It was a bone chilling winter morning in the District today and while I had planned on going to the gym, my desire to stay in my warm bed until the last possible second won that war. But I figured hey! If I'm going to be a lazy bones, at least I can draft a blog post or something, right? And you're welcome, reader.
Today's blog post is about eating healthy. Now here's my problem: I really love food, you guys. To make it even clearer, I love food that is terrible for me. I mean, let's be honest here - this is not an original dilemma to have in this country. And the thing is for about six months out of the year, I'm like, "I work hard! Life is short! I'll eat whatever I want!" And then summer time approaches, and I remember that swimsuit season is rearing its ugly, judgmental head.
I panic. I look at all the extra padding I had developed over those six months. I think of all the cheesy mashed potatoes and gelato and wings and chili cheese fries that contributed to this padding and I curse the universe for creating so many cruel temptations. But then I decide, hey I can turn this around! And by golly I do it... and then, a terrible thing happened that I didn't expect. Suddenly it wasn't easy to lose weight anymore! Back in the day, I could spend a month at the gym and have a few salads and voila! Svelte and ready to show off my hot bod (well my non-flabby bod). But those days are gone. My mother (and society) warned me this would happen but I honestly didn't believe it.
Last year, however, was a rude awakening. Beach season was so cruel and I tried very hard for a couple months to shed off a few pounds but let me tell you - I failed completely. Eventually I gave up and took a very, "If I'm gonna have this weight then I might as well make it worth it!" attitude. I indulged in any and everything which in turn made me feel even grosser. I went up a pant size. Once a person genuinely thought I was pregnant - which is just comical for many reasons.
Finally, New Years came around and like everyone else in this country, I decided that something needs to change. Honestly, it's not even about swimsuit season (entirely); it's more about not feeling disgusting. So I recommitted myself to the gym (and yes, totally getting the irony of my skipping the gym to write this) and got a personal trainer who told me something very scary: I can't just go to the gym - I have to change my whole lifestyle?!?!
Well, reader. I am totally inept at cooking for one. I am busy with volunteer work, my job, attempting a social life, and now classes. I'm trying to maintain a fairly strict budget. How do I keep a healthy diet? To start, I refuse to keep cookies, chips, gelato, or frozen pizza in my home anymore. Giving up beer for a while. That's where it started. Emptied out my snack drawer at work, too! (I'll miss you, peanut M&Ms...)
But cooking at home? That's the problem. Cooking small sensible meals seems so elusive. How do people do it? I've mastered throwing chicken breasts in the oven and then putting the chunks in salad.... but what else is there?
And then this weekend, miraculously, I realized how many different things you can do with chicken! And quinoa! And lentils! Plus I found all these awesome recipes in Jamie's Food Revolution, which I must embarrassingly admit was purchased like a year ago mostly because I have a tiny (HUGE) crush on Jamie Oliver and only skimmed it once and threw it in the large pile of other cookbooks that are going completely to waste in my life. But this weekend I was compelled to look through it and hot damn, if there aren't some great ideas in there! And they're mostly easy, too, which is good because my patience and attention span are quite limited in the kitchen.
So look out! I'm gonna be a healthy food cooking dynamo! Life changes all over the place. But! I have decided that in order to not torture myself, I'm going to give myself one day a week to eat anything I want (as long as I don't cheat the rest of the time and keep up with the gym). We'll see how long this lasts? I am a textbook stress eater on top of everything else. So send me all kinds of positive energy, folks! I'm gonna need it. Lifestyle overhaul, y'all!
Will try to post recipes on here soon. Successful ones... or maybe also the hilarious failures? Stay tuned!
- N
About Me
- Tash
- Washington, DC, United States
- I don't write here nearly as much as I should, but when I do, I'll try to make it count for something.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
A Review: Zero Dark Thirty
Before giving my review, I want to start off by saying that I had a lot of reservations about the movie Zero Dark Thirty long before I saw it. The two main reasons, without going into great detail, were:
1) The disrespect towards a subject matter that deserves more than some Hollywood, glorified twist - only 2 years after the incident in question, while our Nation's international relations are still doing poorly and our troops are still in the Middle East.
2) Everything about this film appeared to stink of propaganda.
Now, 24 hours ago, I finally was in a movie theater and was watching this film. I went in with as open a mind as I could manage (though sitting at the end of an aisle juuuust in case I felt the need to save myself from an anger-induced aneurism). I then steeled myself and the film began - with a total black screen, the only audio being a 9/11 emergency 911 call. This was chilling and surprisingly effective.
And then the plot begins.
Let me say right now that Bigelow's other big cinematic claim to fame, The Hurt Locker, is a favorite of mine. This may not make sense, seeing as how negative my feelings about ZD30 have been, but The Hurt Locker succeeded in my eyes because of how raw and emotionally-driven it was. It wasn't really a movie about war. It was a movie about man's obsession with war. The star, Jeremy Renner, played the war-loving soldier to perfection - a man so wrapped up in the violence and the honor and the blood that he isn't capable of living any other sort of life. As a person raised in a military family, I can tell you, this was as honest as it gets. My brother signed up for multiple tours, by choice, so that he could be out there, "doing his duty" and sometimes I think he wishes he was still there.
So I guess the question is this - how does ZD30 compare? Not very well, I must say. But let me start off with the positives:
Cinematically, it's beautiful to look at. The cinematography was interesting and complex. The music was sparse and added the right amount of emotional resonance - from the same composer responsible for the music of Tree of Life and Moonrise Kingdom, two of my favorite soundtracks from the last couple of years. And... that is all the nice things I have to say.
Here is the problem with this movie - and it's not even the problem I thought I'd have.... it is actually devoid of any narrative, emotionally interesting characters, meaningful character interactions.... Basically it's a rather stale laundry list of government fuck-ups that lead to the 8 year drawn out search for Osama Bin Laden. Bigelow has made a big production about the authenticity of this film (which, frankly, I find questionable because one of the few messages that I got loud and clear was, "Torture is very sad and unfortunate but we did it and it worked and we were right to do it." And that, again, stinks of propaganda). Bigelow seemed so focus on making everything as truthful as possible, she failed at creating a film that asked the audience (or itself) any of the hard questions - or, rather, the biggest one: was the search for Bin Laden worth it?
The protagonist of the film, Maya, is dogged and obsessed, which is to be expected, but lacks any sort of basic human complexities. She has no interest in friends, sex, love, or anything else outside of finding Osama Bin Laden. She has no personality. She is no more than a vessel to keep the plot moving forward. Well, the last ten minutes she finally showed us something but why did we have to wait that long?
Now with all that being said, I do think that the film is well-crafted in the sense that it is artistically compelling. As a former film student, it would be crazy for me not to recognize that. However, compelling or not, do I think this film is socially responsible? Absolutely not. First of all, if you decide you're going to make a movie like this, for better or worse, at least have the guts to SAY something meaningful. Second of all, I'm not a fan of the half documentary/half Hollywood "thinker" this film was. Meshing supposed facts and real footage in a glamorized and fictionalized Oscar whore... oops I mean, movie... it just feels so dishonest. Either be a work of dramatic fiction or be a documentary. Don't straddle the line. That is irresponsible filmmaking and bad journalism.
And in regards to this movie's agenda? I'll be fair here. I really don't think there is one, truly. It's worse than that if you ask me. It just sits there retelling a tale that we all know - albeit with insider information (which the CIA has denied being expressly involved in, so this is either them covering their asses - particularly in regards to the issue of sanctioning torture - or it's the filmmakers fibbing about just how much classified information they actually had access to), and it was a retelling without the bravery of a voice or commentary. Actually I don't know if it's cowardice or laziness. Either way, it's problematic.
All in all, I do think it's a movie worth seeing. First of all, I don't support fully criticizing something like this unless you have seen or experienced it yourself. Also, it does achieve some things, as previously stated, that are a cinematic success.
Praise for this movie has been almost universally positive so count me in the minority here with my opinions. If you don't agree, I encourage you to tell me why - I love a healthy debate and open dialogue. Give me your thoughts!
And if you read this whole post, well good grief! You must really like me!
- N
PS - Oh lest I forget. Knock another few points off this movie for how slickly it glossed over the U.S.-sanctioned drones. I honestly do love my country; I consider myself a Patriot and proud of it. But shame on you, Bigelow. Shame on you.
1) The disrespect towards a subject matter that deserves more than some Hollywood, glorified twist - only 2 years after the incident in question, while our Nation's international relations are still doing poorly and our troops are still in the Middle East.
2) Everything about this film appeared to stink of propaganda.
Now, 24 hours ago, I finally was in a movie theater and was watching this film. I went in with as open a mind as I could manage (though sitting at the end of an aisle juuuust in case I felt the need to save myself from an anger-induced aneurism). I then steeled myself and the film began - with a total black screen, the only audio being a 9/11 emergency 911 call. This was chilling and surprisingly effective.
And then the plot begins.
Let me say right now that Bigelow's other big cinematic claim to fame, The Hurt Locker, is a favorite of mine. This may not make sense, seeing as how negative my feelings about ZD30 have been, but The Hurt Locker succeeded in my eyes because of how raw and emotionally-driven it was. It wasn't really a movie about war. It was a movie about man's obsession with war. The star, Jeremy Renner, played the war-loving soldier to perfection - a man so wrapped up in the violence and the honor and the blood that he isn't capable of living any other sort of life. As a person raised in a military family, I can tell you, this was as honest as it gets. My brother signed up for multiple tours, by choice, so that he could be out there, "doing his duty" and sometimes I think he wishes he was still there.
So I guess the question is this - how does ZD30 compare? Not very well, I must say. But let me start off with the positives:
Cinematically, it's beautiful to look at. The cinematography was interesting and complex. The music was sparse and added the right amount of emotional resonance - from the same composer responsible for the music of Tree of Life and Moonrise Kingdom, two of my favorite soundtracks from the last couple of years. And... that is all the nice things I have to say.
Here is the problem with this movie - and it's not even the problem I thought I'd have.... it is actually devoid of any narrative, emotionally interesting characters, meaningful character interactions.... Basically it's a rather stale laundry list of government fuck-ups that lead to the 8 year drawn out search for Osama Bin Laden. Bigelow has made a big production about the authenticity of this film (which, frankly, I find questionable because one of the few messages that I got loud and clear was, "Torture is very sad and unfortunate but we did it and it worked and we were right to do it." And that, again, stinks of propaganda). Bigelow seemed so focus on making everything as truthful as possible, she failed at creating a film that asked the audience (or itself) any of the hard questions - or, rather, the biggest one: was the search for Bin Laden worth it?
The protagonist of the film, Maya, is dogged and obsessed, which is to be expected, but lacks any sort of basic human complexities. She has no interest in friends, sex, love, or anything else outside of finding Osama Bin Laden. She has no personality. She is no more than a vessel to keep the plot moving forward. Well, the last ten minutes she finally showed us something but why did we have to wait that long?
Now with all that being said, I do think that the film is well-crafted in the sense that it is artistically compelling. As a former film student, it would be crazy for me not to recognize that. However, compelling or not, do I think this film is socially responsible? Absolutely not. First of all, if you decide you're going to make a movie like this, for better or worse, at least have the guts to SAY something meaningful. Second of all, I'm not a fan of the half documentary/half Hollywood "thinker" this film was. Meshing supposed facts and real footage in a glamorized and fictionalized Oscar whore... oops I mean, movie... it just feels so dishonest. Either be a work of dramatic fiction or be a documentary. Don't straddle the line. That is irresponsible filmmaking and bad journalism.
And in regards to this movie's agenda? I'll be fair here. I really don't think there is one, truly. It's worse than that if you ask me. It just sits there retelling a tale that we all know - albeit with insider information (which the CIA has denied being expressly involved in, so this is either them covering their asses - particularly in regards to the issue of sanctioning torture - or it's the filmmakers fibbing about just how much classified information they actually had access to), and it was a retelling without the bravery of a voice or commentary. Actually I don't know if it's cowardice or laziness. Either way, it's problematic.
All in all, I do think it's a movie worth seeing. First of all, I don't support fully criticizing something like this unless you have seen or experienced it yourself. Also, it does achieve some things, as previously stated, that are a cinematic success.
Praise for this movie has been almost universally positive so count me in the minority here with my opinions. If you don't agree, I encourage you to tell me why - I love a healthy debate and open dialogue. Give me your thoughts!
And if you read this whole post, well good grief! You must really like me!
- N
PS - Oh lest I forget. Knock another few points off this movie for how slickly it glossed over the U.S.-sanctioned drones. I honestly do love my country; I consider myself a Patriot and proud of it. But shame on you, Bigelow. Shame on you.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Two Week Point? I Own You.
Folks! I'm back! Two weeks into the New Year and so far, so good! I'm getting all my ducks in a row: curbing my spending (well except for some new workout clothes - which is a totally valid purchase! - and a couple of DVDs), have started going to the gym regularly, and I've been better at controlling my junk food and alcohol-related impulses. I am so winning at 2013, you guys!
My new would-be mentor, whom I will call E.D., has been a great inspiration and influence. She cheers me on but is also not shy about pointing out the parts of my life that could use some improvement (and not in that condescending way my therapist does it) - and I've been doing my best at taking her advice. Both educationally and otherwise.
Basically I am happy with the direction my life is going in right now, which is a delightful change from my usual disappointment in almost all aspects of my life. I've even decided to give myself a break and appreciate the things I'm doing right. What a concept!
I think it helps, actually, that this also happens to be Oscar season. No words can describe how happy this makes me. The weird thing is I don't particularly agree with or respect the Academy, who are basically a bunch of old dudes who essentially don't have any of the talent that they hold their "peers" to and often seem to pick winners based on sales and/or Hollywood politics. But I gotta tell you - I get wrapped up in the buzz! I am pulling with all my film-loving heart for Django in pretty much every category it's nominated for and hoping that Les Mis gets completely snubbed (I could go on about my love and hate, respectively, for these two films for quite some time but perhaps I'll save that for another day). I have a few more films to watch before the big night and I'm saving Zero Dark Thirty for last because... well I find the subject matter questionable and we'll leave it at that for now. (Expect a bigger Oscar themed post later.)
So, as a result, I've been taking myself on dates to the movies again, which always lifts my spirits (except in the case of seeing Amour which is a horrific look at every way your body and mind fail you as you creep towards death's door). I've been buying cheap $1 records and reading classic Batman comics and watching old episodes of the Cosby Show and trying out some fun recipes (some of which have been great, some of which have been chicken broth-exploding disasters). Basically, I've been getting reacquainted with me and guess what? I'm pretty great.
And now here's my recommendation to you, reader. Take yourself out on a date. Go to a movie, a museum, a lunch. Sign up for a LivingSocial cooking class. Hang out at home on a Saturday and spend some time just reading by the window or having a one woman (or man) dance party - and I particularly recommend the Eurythmics, best $0.99 I've ever spent. Don't be afraid to be alone. You're fucking fabulous. I know it and you should know it too.
Signing out, loves! More progress on the #YearofNatacia to come!
NK
PS - anyone else hate the new JT single? Man, I almost went a full post without really hating on something... Oh well.
PPS - almost forgot my hating on Les Mis. Please avoid at all costs. Did I mention it's a train wreck? OK now I'm done!
My new would-be mentor, whom I will call E.D., has been a great inspiration and influence. She cheers me on but is also not shy about pointing out the parts of my life that could use some improvement (and not in that condescending way my therapist does it) - and I've been doing my best at taking her advice. Both educationally and otherwise.
Basically I am happy with the direction my life is going in right now, which is a delightful change from my usual disappointment in almost all aspects of my life. I've even decided to give myself a break and appreciate the things I'm doing right. What a concept!
I think it helps, actually, that this also happens to be Oscar season. No words can describe how happy this makes me. The weird thing is I don't particularly agree with or respect the Academy, who are basically a bunch of old dudes who essentially don't have any of the talent that they hold their "peers" to and often seem to pick winners based on sales and/or Hollywood politics. But I gotta tell you - I get wrapped up in the buzz! I am pulling with all my film-loving heart for Django in pretty much every category it's nominated for and hoping that Les Mis gets completely snubbed (I could go on about my love and hate, respectively, for these two films for quite some time but perhaps I'll save that for another day). I have a few more films to watch before the big night and I'm saving Zero Dark Thirty for last because... well I find the subject matter questionable and we'll leave it at that for now. (Expect a bigger Oscar themed post later.)
So, as a result, I've been taking myself on dates to the movies again, which always lifts my spirits (except in the case of seeing Amour which is a horrific look at every way your body and mind fail you as you creep towards death's door). I've been buying cheap $1 records and reading classic Batman comics and watching old episodes of the Cosby Show and trying out some fun recipes (some of which have been great, some of which have been chicken broth-exploding disasters). Basically, I've been getting reacquainted with me and guess what? I'm pretty great.
And now here's my recommendation to you, reader. Take yourself out on a date. Go to a movie, a museum, a lunch. Sign up for a LivingSocial cooking class. Hang out at home on a Saturday and spend some time just reading by the window or having a one woman (or man) dance party - and I particularly recommend the Eurythmics, best $0.99 I've ever spent. Don't be afraid to be alone. You're fucking fabulous. I know it and you should know it too.
Signing out, loves! More progress on the #YearofNatacia to come!
NK
PS - anyone else hate the new JT single? Man, I almost went a full post without really hating on something... Oh well.
PPS - almost forgot my hating on Les Mis. Please avoid at all costs. Did I mention it's a train wreck? OK now I'm done!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2013, Let's Be Buds
So here's the thing. I feel like every year I make all these resolutions to improve my life, but mostly they are a recipe for failure. I have realized it's because these resolutions are often not in tune with the realities of my life - and they're always so specific. Lose X amount of pounds. Only have drinks with dinner. Date more eligible bachelors.
Honestly, at this point, I only have two resolutions and I plan on keeping them:
1) Improve my friendships
2) Improve my body, mind & soul
The first one is easier. I feel as though I have taken a few friendships for granted but like any relationship, you need to be there and you need to work at it. Also, surrounding myself with people I love can only help with the second resolution.
Improving my body, mind & soul involves a bunch of small things:
• Get back into running
• Take myself out for Sunday morning movies again
• Read more books that are out of my circle of comfort
• Balance my bank account more often
• Cook more - get creative in the kitchen
• Get back into practicing the guitar (no matter how terrible I think I am at it)
This may seem like a lot but I don't feel like it is. These are just everyday actions that, I believe, will put me on a positive road I want to be on. I almost put "drink less" on there too but... well, who am I kidding? So I'll just say "be less indulgent."
So get ready, 2013! I'm getting myself together and by gosh, you and I are going to make this a fantastic year!
#TheYearofNatacia
Honestly, at this point, I only have two resolutions and I plan on keeping them:
1) Improve my friendships
2) Improve my body, mind & soul
The first one is easier. I feel as though I have taken a few friendships for granted but like any relationship, you need to be there and you need to work at it. Also, surrounding myself with people I love can only help with the second resolution.
Improving my body, mind & soul involves a bunch of small things:
• Get back into running
• Take myself out for Sunday morning movies again
• Read more books that are out of my circle of comfort
• Balance my bank account more often
• Cook more - get creative in the kitchen
• Get back into practicing the guitar (no matter how terrible I think I am at it)
This may seem like a lot but I don't feel like it is. These are just everyday actions that, I believe, will put me on a positive road I want to be on. I almost put "drink less" on there too but... well, who am I kidding? So I'll just say "be less indulgent."
So get ready, 2013! I'm getting myself together and by gosh, you and I are going to make this a fantastic year!
#TheYearofNatacia
Friday, December 28, 2012
What's In a Dream, You Ask?
So last night I had a dream and today I remember it vividly. It's weird for me to recall a dream this well after it has happened - usually it's just fragments, puzzle pieces that I need to put together. I woke up from this dream feeling... out of sorts and I'm not entirely sure why or what it means.
In this dream it was NYE and my friends Mel and Emily were having a party at their house (they actually have an apartment in real life but a row house in my dream).
Some of our mutual friends were there. Some strangers. There was an African man playing a Bobby Darin record. I brought my dog, Lee, with me to the party but he was being strangely well-behaved and quiet. My friend Chris keeps putting Lee in his backpack and carrying him around. There seems to be an endless amount of rooms to this house. I walk into one room and then into another and another and another. Suddenly I'm in a room alone except for the African man. He's singing "Dream Lover" with the voice of Bobby Darin and then stops abruptly. I get really cold and realize that it's because the door behind me is open, a draft is coming in. I walk out the door and I'm on the front stoop of the house where a few of my friends are smoking cigars and playing with a deck of cards. I decide that I have to bring Lee home. Chris is also on the stoop - he takes Lee out of his backpack and hands him to me. Lee is sleeping. I hail a cab and get in. I'm suddenly in a different city but it's unclear which one. The cab picks up another passenger - Robert Redford as Hubbell Gardiner. He smiles at me but it's unsettling. He says, “People living alone get used to loneliness.” The cab stops, I get out, it drives off and then I realize I've left Lee in there with Hubbell. I try calling the cab company from a phone booth but it's not working and I feel frustrated, heartbroken. It's late at night, I think, and the streets are empty. I turn around and Mel is standing there. We both start laughing and after we're done, she smiles and says, “Every bird that flies has the thread of the infinite in its claw.”
At that moment the cab returns... and I woke up.
I'm not quite sure why but this dream really shook me, sort filled me with this odd sense of dread. I know a dream is just a dream but... I think I need a dream analyst. Any takers?
In this dream it was NYE and my friends Mel and Emily were having a party at their house (they actually have an apartment in real life but a row house in my dream).
Some of our mutual friends were there. Some strangers. There was an African man playing a Bobby Darin record. I brought my dog, Lee, with me to the party but he was being strangely well-behaved and quiet. My friend Chris keeps putting Lee in his backpack and carrying him around. There seems to be an endless amount of rooms to this house. I walk into one room and then into another and another and another. Suddenly I'm in a room alone except for the African man. He's singing "Dream Lover" with the voice of Bobby Darin and then stops abruptly. I get really cold and realize that it's because the door behind me is open, a draft is coming in. I walk out the door and I'm on the front stoop of the house where a few of my friends are smoking cigars and playing with a deck of cards. I decide that I have to bring Lee home. Chris is also on the stoop - he takes Lee out of his backpack and hands him to me. Lee is sleeping. I hail a cab and get in. I'm suddenly in a different city but it's unclear which one. The cab picks up another passenger - Robert Redford as Hubbell Gardiner. He smiles at me but it's unsettling. He says, “People living alone get used to loneliness.” The cab stops, I get out, it drives off and then I realize I've left Lee in there with Hubbell. I try calling the cab company from a phone booth but it's not working and I feel frustrated, heartbroken. It's late at night, I think, and the streets are empty. I turn around and Mel is standing there. We both start laughing and after we're done, she smiles and says, “Every bird that flies has the thread of the infinite in its claw.”
At that moment the cab returns... and I woke up.
I'm not quite sure why but this dream really shook me, sort filled me with this odd sense of dread. I know a dream is just a dream but... I think I need a dream analyst. Any takers?
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve Reflection: Thank You
Christmas Eve day is upon us and it's a strange feeling being here in paradise after such a challenging year. Without getting into too many details (because most of my close friends know them already and this post is meant to be a happy one), my family has been through a bit of upheaval. We're currently in recovery mode, however, and I hope we come out of it a stronger unit than we were before... because when all is said and done, I love these people with all my heart, no matter how crazy they act sometimes.
By the way, please excuse any typos. I'm kind of doing this on the fly. I'm sitting on the beach, after a gorgeous sunrise (which I will post here because there is nothing like a California sunrise, even though the picture could never do it justice) and after having just read the most wonderful email from a dear friend. I am feeling overwhelmed and not ready to return to the house just yet.
I guess the point is this: there are always going to be challenges and tragedies and moments of serious self doubt. There is going to be times of uncertainty on a personal level and on the grand scale - like are we really where we want to be at this stage in our lives or like the current state of our society. People will leave this world, they will leave us here wondering what's the point or how could good and innocent people suffer so greatly. People we love will deal with crises that we can only help with in what feels like a very limited way (even if it actually makes a world of difference). Essentially, bad things will happen and the kicker is they will keep happening no matter what we do, and some of these things are horrifying and senseless and have no answer.... but life is a series of choices. We can choose to sink in the despair or accept that if we keep swimming we'll find solid ground eventually - with a little help from our friends.
I am a person who is prone to sadness. I don't want to use the word depression but the truth is I do have a depressive side and it has a lot to do with the fact that I draw my energy from the people around me and if the people around me are sad then I feel myself getting sucked into the darkness as well. And when that happens, i get filled with this sort anger at myself that i can't just control my feelings better. The thing that I've realized, though... the thing that it had taken me almost 20 years to understand... is that the people that matter will stick around anyway.
You see, I always assume that eventually people will leave, if I'm too sad, too angry, too emotional. And because of that, it's hard for me to trust anyone. And when you can't allow yourself to trust anyone, how can you seek help when you need it?
Anyway, I think this post is getting away from me a little bit and I don't want to make it seem like everything is a struggle all the time. I guess what I want to say is when the struggle gets really hard, there is no shame in accepting help from the people who love you (even if it's help in the form of happy hour or a Happy Endings marathon). I am incredibly lucky to have so many people in my life who care about me and add a level of fun and adventure I would not have otherwise. From my work friends, who are almost always up for happy hour or a rowdy viewing of Millionaire... to my VA guys (even though they don't all live in VA anymore) who allow me to indulge in my pretentious rants and always call me on my shit and allow me to call them out on theirs and also provide endless amounts of laughter... to my Clackers, who will never know how much their crazy, cocktail-swilling, loud, dancing, feisty antics have meant to me... to the Club Dumas, who bring music, literature, film, inspiration, and great food and wine into my life unlike anyone else can... to my Natachel Tron 1/2, who is always there, no matter what, no matter how much we've tried to push each other away, a true sister from another mister... to my NYC pals who always provide me with so many adventures in the Empire State and with a roof over my head... to new friendships that I hope will continue to blossom over the new year and old ones that have drifted away a little but still have a permanent place in my heart. All of these people - all of you out there - from the bottom of my heart, please know that you save my life every single day just by being in it.
I really do feel like the richest gal in town and I think this is probably the perfect time of year to be overly sentimental and to just say exactly what you want to say - and that is I love you all. My family means the world to me but boy is it nice to have a second one available when I need them! I wish everyone was so lucky.
So thanks for being there! Merry Christmas to you all, and I wish you the best, luckiest, most fabulous new year imaginable!
By the way, please excuse any typos. I'm kind of doing this on the fly. I'm sitting on the beach, after a gorgeous sunrise (which I will post here because there is nothing like a California sunrise, even though the picture could never do it justice) and after having just read the most wonderful email from a dear friend. I am feeling overwhelmed and not ready to return to the house just yet.
I guess the point is this: there are always going to be challenges and tragedies and moments of serious self doubt. There is going to be times of uncertainty on a personal level and on the grand scale - like are we really where we want to be at this stage in our lives or like the current state of our society. People will leave this world, they will leave us here wondering what's the point or how could good and innocent people suffer so greatly. People we love will deal with crises that we can only help with in what feels like a very limited way (even if it actually makes a world of difference). Essentially, bad things will happen and the kicker is they will keep happening no matter what we do, and some of these things are horrifying and senseless and have no answer.... but life is a series of choices. We can choose to sink in the despair or accept that if we keep swimming we'll find solid ground eventually - with a little help from our friends.
I am a person who is prone to sadness. I don't want to use the word depression but the truth is I do have a depressive side and it has a lot to do with the fact that I draw my energy from the people around me and if the people around me are sad then I feel myself getting sucked into the darkness as well. And when that happens, i get filled with this sort anger at myself that i can't just control my feelings better. The thing that I've realized, though... the thing that it had taken me almost 20 years to understand... is that the people that matter will stick around anyway.
You see, I always assume that eventually people will leave, if I'm too sad, too angry, too emotional. And because of that, it's hard for me to trust anyone. And when you can't allow yourself to trust anyone, how can you seek help when you need it?
Anyway, I think this post is getting away from me a little bit and I don't want to make it seem like everything is a struggle all the time. I guess what I want to say is when the struggle gets really hard, there is no shame in accepting help from the people who love you (even if it's help in the form of happy hour or a Happy Endings marathon). I am incredibly lucky to have so many people in my life who care about me and add a level of fun and adventure I would not have otherwise. From my work friends, who are almost always up for happy hour or a rowdy viewing of Millionaire... to my VA guys (even though they don't all live in VA anymore) who allow me to indulge in my pretentious rants and always call me on my shit and allow me to call them out on theirs and also provide endless amounts of laughter... to my Clackers, who will never know how much their crazy, cocktail-swilling, loud, dancing, feisty antics have meant to me... to the Club Dumas, who bring music, literature, film, inspiration, and great food and wine into my life unlike anyone else can... to my Natachel Tron 1/2, who is always there, no matter what, no matter how much we've tried to push each other away, a true sister from another mister... to my NYC pals who always provide me with so many adventures in the Empire State and with a roof over my head... to new friendships that I hope will continue to blossom over the new year and old ones that have drifted away a little but still have a permanent place in my heart. All of these people - all of you out there - from the bottom of my heart, please know that you save my life every single day just by being in it.
I really do feel like the richest gal in town and I think this is probably the perfect time of year to be overly sentimental and to just say exactly what you want to say - and that is I love you all. My family means the world to me but boy is it nice to have a second one available when I need them! I wish everyone was so lucky.
So thanks for being there! Merry Christmas to you all, and I wish you the best, luckiest, most fabulous new year imaginable!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
My Thanksgiving!
So this was my first year making Thanksgiving dinner for my family and I have to say it was a total success! Making the turkey was the hardest part but thank God my dad was there to clean it because gross.
Anyone interested in snatching any of the recipes, gimme a shout out. Happy to share but I'll probably ask for a recipe in return!
Anyone interested in snatching any of the recipes, gimme a shout out. Happy to share but I'll probably ask for a recipe in return!
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