About Me

My photo
Washington, DC, United States
I don't write here nearly as much as I should, but when I do, I'll try to make it count for something.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Confessions of a non-traditional Catholic: Deal With It!

So today I had someone say to me, "You celebrate Lent? You don't seem religious." And I started to contemplate what that meant and why it bothered me so much. I thought about what being religious actually means to me and how it impacts my everyday life. I never really responded to the person's comment, I kind of laughed and felt awkward about it, which is very strange for me because I'm a pretty opinionated person and almost never shy from getting on my soapbox. So why was I clamming up all the sudden? I have a theory.

The problem with being religious in this day and age, particularly being Catholic is there are so many negative associations. I feel like if I tell a person that I’m Catholic, there’s an instant backlash. People think they know exactly who I am when I talk about religion: they think I’m a bible thumper, they think I don’t believe in logic or science, they think I’m ultra conservative. A lot of times, people throw at me all the horrible things that the Catholic Church is responsible for, as if I personally committed these atrocities. I honestly don’t think I’m exaggerating in the least when I say that I imagine this is how Germans must feel when people bring up the Holocaust. I mean, I’ve actually had people yell at me about the Inquisitions. (Also, I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m blind to the type of evil people are capable of – or the evil people will commit in the name of God or whatever else they believe in. But the Inquisitions ended over 200 years ago. Surely there are at least more recent things to be outraged about?) And hey, what can I say? Christianity has a dark past and people today still use it for purposes of oppression and violence. I would say, however, that every group has a dark side and people who are willing to twist it in order to gain power... but I can recognize that while this is very true, the Catholic Church in particular has been very successful with that and has the bloody hands and body count to prove it.

Now, that being said, I would like to fully explain my relationship with God and just put it out there. Do I think there is an old bearded man in the clouds, passing judgement on all of us from his sky kingdom? I can't say that I do. Do I think if I follow a strict set of guidelines, I get to go to heaven and all those suckers out there who are having lots of pre-marital sex (or non-marital, for those with no interest in that institution) and stealing and cheating on their spouses are heading to a fiery pit for eternity? Nope. I think that's all too easy and life is far more complex than that. So in that sense, I am a terrible Catholic.

However, I think that the universe has a balance to it. While I don't believe in the traditional physical concept of God, I do think that there is a spiritual force that watches over us - not judges, watches. I believe that force created everything around us. I believe that when we die, all of our spirits are finally at peace and maybe they go... somewhere? I can't stand the oppressive idea of some people going to this glorious kingdom and some people burning for eternity. It sounds so hateful. I like to believe all the hate in a person's soul dissolves at the point of death and there's a clarity that the living cannot achieve. This, I admit, is mostly wishful thinking but honestly, what is wrong with that?

This world can be so cold and unforgiving sometimes and we all need our own way to cope. I find comfort in believing that something greater is out there, that this force - that God - put us here for a purpose. I don't think that purpose is mapped out for us at birth or that our lives are predetermined but I do believe there is a reason - maybe even many reasons - for everyone to be here. Also, as cheesy as this sounds, whenever I see, let's say, a sunrise against the Pacific Ocean... well it's difficult for me to believe this is all just some happy accident. Perhaps there is some ego involved in that but I cannot chalk up an entire planet of life and beauty to just a bunch of random molecules just deciding to get together.

Now understand that I'm not saying that I don't believe in science. I've just never really understood why people feel like those two things have no place in the same world. I am a reasonable, logic-based human being. But I also have a spiritual side that craves a deeper relationship with the world.

In addition to all of this, I love the community and warmth involved in attending church. I do believe there is some wisdom to be found in the Bible, even if you have to dig through a lot of judging and wrath to find it. I even enjoy the rituals involved, for the most part - but I think that comes from my strong desire for structure and plans.... though maybe my need for structure actually originates from my connection with Christian rituals? Who knows?

All I do know for sure is that my faith really makes me feel at peace when life throws obstacles my way. Would I ever push that on another person? Never. I don't even like it when I see other people doing that. I also don't find it healthy to use faith as a crutch or your only source of comfort. But there is no denying that it makes my life richer and makes me accept tragedies better when they come around.

I am still pro choice. I still don't care for Christian rock bands. I still drop F bombs like it's my job. I still have the urge to punch assholes in the face. And yes - I have sex without marriage! GASP!!! So maybe I'm not the most stereotypical Christian out there, but hey some people might argue that's not so bad.

4 comments:

  1. A Catholic I once knew was so disappointed in me when I said I didn't go to church every Sunday. She said God would want me to go. And I said, "God wants me to be a good person, not to pass judgement on anyone. And He wants me to love as much as humanly possible. And that is what I strive for. I think he will forgive me if I don't go to Church"  

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone has their own way of being closer to God or their own set of beliefs and it's ridiculous for other people to put their own ideas on others. There is no right way or wrong way to believe in something. You either do or you don't, and in your own way. I try not to let people like that bother me.

      Delete
  2. Good post Natacia. I love introspective pieces like this that I can fully relate to. I believe a lot of the things u do, along with many others, that made me a really bad catholic. I hated the judging most of all. The last thing I would want to do is judge someone that is getting support, love, and spiritual fulfillment from religion. I guess the difference is that I was exposed to so many bitter angry religious people as a kid and massive amounts of hipocracy with people of all Christian sects. I just want to be a good person. If there is a God or whatever and he doesn't let me advance on cause I didn't follow some stupid ceremonies or rules then I dont want to hang with his/her nonsensical ass anyways. More power to you though if u have found a community of religious people that don't make it their priority to make u conform/ judge u at every turn. Do what makes u happy and fuck anyone who gives u shit. Love u and miss u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, I miss you too, Chris!! I really need to make it out there to Napa. <3

      And yeah, people just all need to just believe in what they're going to believe in and stop placing their own personal ideas of belief on others. You're absolutely right. As long as we have the basics - wanting to be a good person - that's all that matters, right?

      Delete